Jul 2023
Early in life -– roughly before the age of 20 -– we tend to receive more critical feedback than we want.
A teacher gives us a D on a test. A coach subs us out of the game. A parent puts us in time out. On the playground, we get pushed when we take away someone else's toy.
These experiences teach us how to be human.
But around 20, the frequency and clarity of critical feedback changes. Instead of a push on the playground, a friend makes a passive aggressive comment. Instead of a D on an exam, the manager says “I think some of this project could have been better.”
By 30, trustworthy negative feedback is essentially gone. People hate giving negative feedback to other adults.
When I was a child, a friend would say “that’s annoying stop!” But as an adult, people usually just stop responding altogether.
Adults tend to receive less substantive, trustworthy, critical feedback than they need. I didn’t appreciate this effect until after it happened.
As an adult, I should proactively invite trusted people to give critical feedback, and treasure those friends who are willing to do so.